Forgiveness feels like letting someone off the hook, for doing something that negatively impacted me. It might even be that I didn’t have a say in it. I did not get to choose whether they got to hurt me, use me, take advantage of me… whatever that is for you in your experience.
What triggers anger is that it feels like forgiving someone is having to accept that what they did is or was okay and it’s not.
Especially if your values hold the belief that it’s not right to put anyone else at a disadvantage.
Forgiving someone could feel like now I am the one putting myself at a disadvantage by forgiving someone for their wrongdoing.
What happened to taking ownership and responsibility for your choices, actions and what you do to others as a result of your choices and actions?
And as all of this is rushing through, you – the mirror – is turned and you are asked, ‘Do you take ownership and responsibility for your choices and actions?”
This might be confusing, you might even ask, ‘What do you mean do I take ownership and responsibility for my choices and actions? Of course I do.’
If that is the case then you are not forgiving what you believe someone else has faulted you, but you are forgiving yourself.
‘What did I do wrong? They did the wrongdoing. I was just on the receiving end.’
But what did you do or allow that put you on the receiving end?
‘Nothing, I showed them respect, honesty, support, kindness’
And when you showed them that. What did they show you?
Nothing, they were unthankful, they used me, disrespected me.
And when they did this, what did you do?
I kept showing them kindness, so they could see my intentions were pure and that I could be trusted and that I was committed to the relationship or experience.
How much did you, through doing this for them, do any of this for yourself?
By showing yourself kindness? When you were being disrespected and used, did you give yourself kindness by walking away or by putting down a boundary in which you showed yourself respect?
You are not angry at forgiving someone.
You are angry at what you ALLOWED when you were guided to walk away and choose yourself. When you didn’t believe in yourself enough that what you were seeking; whether acceptance, inclusion, to be seen, to be heard, whatever that is for you. You have the capacity and ability to create within yourself what you seek, yet you choose to seek it outside of yourself.
That’s what you are ANGRY about. Your own disrespect, your own way in which you allowed yourself to be used. The way you discredited your ability to accept that you are the source of what you want and need; for and within yourself.
Whenever we forgive, we only ever forgive ourselves, never another.
People and experiences cannot do to us what we do not allow. Even if you believe that you cannot stop the actions, words or behaviours of others, you will be correct. But you do get to choose if you believe it and allow it to impact how you feel and what you believe of yourself. That is always our choice and that’s where we find our freedom.
I hope that this renewed awareness and perspective provides you with new insight that allows you to find your peace within.
Thank you for sharing this moment with me and till next time remember you are an awesome soul.
Love and blessings
Babetza